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New year | New Song


New beginnings taste of a different seasoning this rotation. Hope only leaves the room if dismissed. In days of empathy and nights of torture, this year has created within me a resolve for less aspiration and more anticipation. What do you say to a year too unforgiving to let go? I am singing a song slightly out of key and far below my own auditory senses. Still, in retrospect, moving past loss and toward a new resolve gives way to music and motion.

This year I lost two babies.

I thought I would have remedied myself past this tension but as the year concluded I found myself still a bit undone. From hour to hour I can harmonize my way through most things. It’s the processing that rewards a hook too heavy for this little boy’s heart to support. Measure to measure bar to bridge losing a promise is the building block of this year’s resolutions.

2011 will come and 2011 will go. And beyond the mix tape of seasons passed I will record a new song. I will play the strings of this years resolve until my fingers bleed. And even then I will continue to offer all of this life’s song.

This year I will sing.

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Orphans in need of…

My generation amazes me to the point of excitement. I spend a good part of my morning reading blogs and following tweets focused on spreading awareness of the things breaking the hearts of my friends around the world. I tend to be lovingly hard on my own generation. When I see someone refusing to fully embrace their responsibility as an adult I am moved to frustration. Today I am not frustrated. Today I am hopeful.

Hearts are being cultivated and the current state of many of my peers is kingdom anger at its height. I support the cause and the calling of all of my friends who find themselves living out of a backpack for the sake of bringing love and hope to those in need.

What excites me more is what this generation will be able to do in the next five to ten years. In time this radical movement of awareness will graduate into a radical movement of stability. Backpacks will become bank accounts and mission teams will become nuclear family units. A hug that lasts for a few minutes will become a home that will last forever.

As the Kingdom of God moves forward my generation is currently supported by the prayers, wisdom, and stability of our fathers and mothers. In time we will grow past this point of radical globe trotting to a position of commitment. The things of this world that awaken our need to do something about the injustice of these times will line up with our ability to not only support the coming generations but to also offer up our initial compassion in a way we could only dream of today. I love the passion of my peers. I am honored to call myself a member of this 42 generation.

Because what this orphan needs is a forever family.

Time

 

Giving more than I can ever receive yields a season of speculation. I am in many ways more likely to sweep forward with unquestioning faith. However, today I step back to ask myself a serious question. Can I keep giving until I’ve completely run out?

I asked for prayer a few nights ago in direct relation to the point of this exhaustion. I asked for more time. As if that were actually possible. What I should have requested was more grace.

Logic will position my response to give less and save more. This can apply to money, time, resources, etc. The list goes on. Logic will increase my ability to defend my position on my response. Again, this list goes on…

I break here with a revelation currently bursting through the rights of my supply;

I am filled to be emptied again.

It doesn’t matter the cost as long as what is being spent is a greater supply of my ability to think I actually own anything. As I am being emptied for the sake of others what I see fleeting may be time and money but in reality is my right to keep any of it.

Logic tells me to take a break and hold on to some of this harvest. Christ in me says none of it was ever really mine to begin with.

Forgiveness vs Justice

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Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.

Romans 15:7

Acceptance of those who’s very existence injures us at the expense of their growth is nothing short of Christ in us.  How many lashes have we taken for the sake of others?  Forgiveness is bloody.  Forgiveness can scar.  Undone at the end of our ropes and badly bruised we seek refuge in the comforts of stepping back from relationship.  In contrast we are called to step further into relationship with those God has called us to.  The fight against injustice is not our battle.  We are called to love and accept beyond all circumstances.  Even the circumstances that throw mud in our eyes.  It is through that blinded sight we are persuaded to extend the hand of acceptance even if it may cut us again.

Thought of the Day

In an attempt to keep this blog active and alive with new content I will from time to time post a simple thought.  I do this mainly as a result of a busy day.  Today was a busy day.  So here it is.

Justification is at best the beginning of every relationship’s end.

…and now Daniel DayLewis smoking a cigarette.

therewill

I Am Pretty Much Amazing

humblepie2

In the wake of certainty I regret to inform this day that I have peeked.  In doing so I am filled to the brim with an awareness I have fixated upon far too less.  Does the price of one’s self examination come at the expense of humility?  Probably.

In recent weeks I have learned a lot.  I’ve come to a conclusion.  I am pretty much amazing.

Not too often will you stumble upon a post so dead to the enlightenment of humble disposition.  No, not today.  You see today I need this.  Today I need to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that regardless of how far down this gutter flower is planted the sun will shine and I will rise.

Here is a thought to chew while you attempt to hold back the vomit.

The low of lows is given as a dose of our full portion.  If we hold back the awareness of our greatness in Christ at the outset of a few bad days, the whole world will in turn miss out on something pretty amazing, you.

Healing

pillow3

The unforgiving afterthought resists the pull to bring down this vessel. Loss is stubborn and selfish.  Loss can take momentum down at the knees.  Loss is tricky in a prayer life.  Conditions creep all around us.  The best of these aid to our heights with stunning clarity.  The worst of these kicks us in the stomach while we are already down.

If you’ve ever experienced loss you know what I’m talking about.  The conditions surrounding yesterday left me awake at midnight numb and nauseous.  I turned my head into my pillow and prayed the most unmotivated prayer of my life.

“Bring healing, in Jesus name.”

No exclamation point.  No standing on furniture.  Barely recognizable mumbled speech.

In time this half assed request will be answered.  The delay is not in direct consequence to the lack of effort, faith, or volume.  I am learning sometimes healing needs to take time.  I am learning sometimes no exclamation point is just the best I have to offer.  I am learning sometimes declarations can reside in the afterthought…

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